Week 5: Area 51 aka Dancing Queen (or am I a King???)

So this is week 5 and the steam is still not out, although I am pretty sure that some weeks will be about the one beer in the shitty bar (hopefully not).  This is another week where I have the kids so we were creative and decided on a Thursday extravaganza.  There is no better place for a Thursday dance and boozing night than Area 51 Salt Lake's premier Alternative music dance club and Thursday is 80s NIGHT!!!  We all went and were once again joined by Janell (YAY) .  Let me start off stating that one of the best bartenders in Salt Lake is Tess who works here.  We have been going to Area once a month for about 2 years now and Tess as soon as she sees us has shots of Jameson and a pitcher of PBR ready for us.  She is amazing and always looks out for her people.  Well we got our drinks and sat down toasted with the shots and Madness "Our House" came on so I slammed a beer and took the girls to the dance floor (it is an amazing sight to watch the hippest Old Man in the world dance with drop dead 20 somethings and every guy there always has this look of "Why does he get to dance with 3 hotties?" Well those of you who come out with us know and I am leaving it at that!) Jon and Dave retain their "DIGNITY" and do not dance so this is my job.  We came back in to the bar area, drank some more, listened to great music including the Cult, General Public, Depeche Mode, New Order, Tears for Fears and Dexy's Midnight Runners.  It was great and we always have fun, I hit on all sorts of Alt and Goth girls, Gina, Janell and Melanie dance up a storm and we drink!!!  This time was just as great as every other.  To get down to the drinks, a bit pricey but fair compared to other dance clubs.  The club patrons in the bar are generally hip but unlike a good pub, there is a bit of a meat market feel.  The patrons on the dance floor are just annoying because most of them are 18 (well they say they are 18) and have very little social skills at all.  They bump into you dancing and there are quite a few loser solo guys trying to dance with groups of girls.  I enjoy playing the shield for the ladies of our group and I generally throw a few well placed elbows and body shots (and since I am pretty much the size of a mountain it is fun to watch what happens).  One funny thing we noticed this time was the window of ASS.  This is a window in the bar that looks out onto the dance floor.  It started off being a window of female ass that you can see dancing on the dance floor (and the funniest thing were the three over 21 guys being voyeur pedophiles watching the younger girls dance(disturbing so I called them out))  It later turned into the window of MAN ASS which was just inane.  So the rating is 3 out of 5 steins.  Area is a place we will always go.  We love it but as long as it is an 18 and over club I can not in good conscience give it more that 3 steins.  Go for the great music and Tess and the cool atmosphere it is definitely 5 stein material but anyplace I can go to and be on the dance floor with people the age of my children is not somewhere I will go more than once a month.  Last note it did not work out for Abyss this week so stay tuned for next weeks bar.

Melanie teasing us

Jon and Gina

Chad and Janell get cozy

David and Melanie get cozier

Ass window!!!

Janell approves of the ass window!!!

The boys "bonding"

not quite sure what this is......

The Foxhole Jon's Review

The Fox Hole has the makings of a very good bar. Since it just opened, that means that they are off to a great start. It has three pool tables, and half a dozen TVs. It boasts a multi page menu and a great selection of beer on tap. The wait staff is friendly and responsive, and the karaoke on the night we went was fun. The pool tables are cheap (not free). I actually consider that to be a nice thing, since we got to spend some time on them, which wouldn’t have been the case otherwise. There was no cover, which easily pays for a pitcher of beer and a few games of pool all by itself.
With that said, The Fox Hole has some room to grow. I don’t just mean literally, although it would be very nice to see the place with another room (you know, somewhere to retreat to when karaoke hits a streak of country songs and your ears start to bleed). As Chad mentioned, there was also some not insignificant confusion as to whether the bar had a team.
Now I know that we are in Utah, and we don’t have a pro football team. A bar starting out can’t afford to alienate potential patrons. However, the displaying of nearly half of the banners in the NFL is taking that mindset too far. I noticed at least three sets of divisional rival banners up in the place, you can’t root for both the Seahawks and the Niners, nor can you back both the Chargers and Raiders, or the Bears and Packers. Maybe the owner isn’t a football fan, I don’t know. But some of those rivalries are serious and you do yourself no favors by trying to play both sides.
I would liken it to decorating part of your bar with Utah banners, and another with BYU paraphernalia; it just doesn’t work. So if you want to make it a local sports bar, decorate with a Jazz theme. If you want to make it a football oriented sports bar, pick a few teams and stick with them, create sections and make the “our state doesn’t have a team” concept work for you. But make sure none of the teams hates each other first. The only way to make the crazy collage effect work is to make it about great players and not teams, Feature Joe Montana and Dan Marino posters instead of the Dolphins, Niners, and Chiefs. That’s a successful formula; it shows involvement with the sport because at least during some stage of the process someone with sports acumen was consulted.
The other major lack in the bar was liquor. I don’t know if a full liquor license was available, they are in astonishingly short supply thanks to the fine print in the law that abolished private clubs. I hope it wasn’t a choice on the part of the owner. I am perfectly happy drinking beer all night most nights, but my girlfriend prefers liquor, and that option should be on the table at a sports bar. With a full bar and some more room, this place would be an awesome place to frequent. I’ll give it a 4/5 steins on potential, though if décor improvements and/or a liquor license aren’t forthcoming my rating will drop.

David's Tiki Lounge Review from Week 3

Burt’s Tiki Lounge was our destination for Week Three.  From the moment I opened the door I liked this place.  The décor was awesome and gave the place a good vibe. The cover was $8.00 this night, a little steep but as long as it all went to the bands, it’s okay because they were both amazing. The place was a little crowded, and felt small, but we were able to snag some chairs bar side to watch the show.  Drinks were well priced and after starting my first PBR, I started to look around and get a feel for the place. There were no tables, so no pitchers or waitresses, which made sense for the place.  The stage was amazing! It was like an actual concert stage including lights and speakers. There was a wide variety of people in the crowd, and Chad made his rounds talking to the people from his college days who were here to see the band, Sturgeon General. After the first band had finished, the place cleared out a bit, presumably to go out on the patio to smoke.  This by the way was another great factor to Burt’s, a patio where you can smoke, and enjoy your drinks. As Sturgeon General got ready to play, the place became as crowded as before and even louder. People started dancing stage side and I had the feel of being at a concert at USANA, except I could order liquor and beer, it was great! Overall the place was good, as a bar I would give it a three out of five stein rating. As a place to go to see a band, I would give it a five out of five stein. It was definitely set up to be a better concert venue, than your average bar. So if you’re looking to see a band, head to Burt’s.  If you want a place to sit and leisurely drink, then maybe another bar is for you.

Week 4 the Foxhole Pub West Jordan Utah

Week 4 is in the oven and done!!!  We went to this little place in West Jordan called the Foxhole on 7087 S. and Redwood Road.  I was not able to find a logo but I will keep looking.  Attending this evenings debauchery were Janell, Sara, Gina, Jon, Melanie and David plus myself Chadivus.  This place was fun!!!!  OK so the low down first of all the night was all about the Karaoke and the beer,  PITCHERS WERE AVAILABLE and it was only $7.50 for domestics on a Saturday night.  On the down side liquor was not available as of yet.  THe place was way clean and the service was good.  The Karaoke was happening but it helped to to have 3 good singers in the house going up 3 to 5 times each plus Janell who sings great and is my duet partner of choice.  (It also helped that one of the good singers was a kryptonite (who also had a treble clef tattoo to match my bass clef tattoo) so that made my night eye candariffic.  In addition to the singing, the boys played pool and the girls danced (thanks for the memories Gina and Melanie) and we pretty much owned the audience.  Now to wax philosophical, when you go to a local Karaoke bar, BE A GREAT AUDIENCE!  If you want to judge the people who sing get the fuck out or get your OWN ASS UP AND SING!  The audience makes the singing and it is damn scary to get up in front of everyone.  With that said we loved the song choice tonight and it just made the night GREAT.  (ONCE AGAIN THANKS FOR THE DANCING).  Janell told me to tell you all her rating which was 4 steins out of 5 because the bar was clean, service was good, Karaoke was fun and it is close to her house.  I myself give the Foxhole 3 steins out of 5 because the service was good and it was clean, Karaoke was great and it was easy to get a pool table.  To get the other 2 steins, liquor would have had to be available and they need to decide which team they support (as a sports bar you SHOULD not have 2 division rivals flags on the wall next to each other).  The Foxhole was fun and we will go again.  Next week we are looking at partying with our good friends Charissa, Marda and Traci at Abyss to see some of their favorite bands.

Sara and Janell

Melanie and David

they were trying but Chad is just not the same as David

Chad entered the strong man contest

He came in third

The real Man Love!!!!!

Gina Coe - The Burt's Tiki Lounge Review

So Burt’s Tiki Lounge…..Where do I even start? First thing I noticed was it was across from my bank as well as had a lot of close parking since it is next to Sears, which was very nice. I was a little shocked that there was a $8 cover to get in and it was pretty packed. I got in, said hi to the group and went to look around at the rest of it, only to find out that all there was that was worth seeing, had already been seen as soon as I walked in the front door. There was a little loft with a coin operated pool table and room enough to walk around the table and that was it. The women’s bathroom was not kept clean and the hallway outside of it smelled like more than one person didn’t make it to the bathroom in time. The average age of the patrons there that night was older, to say the least. That made for an interesting time for people watching though. I have not seen so many old people dance crazy in front of a band in a long time.


As for the good things at Burt’s……this may take a minute to figure out….Oh yeah! There was $3 vodka and redbulls and the opening band was pretty good. However the headliner, Sturgeon General, was a lot of fun to listen to and they put on a really good show too. The stage was bigger at Burt’s than at the other bar I went to on the next night when I saw them perform for the second time and I was glad that I made it out to see them at Burt’s the first night.

I give them a 2 out of 5 stein rating, 1 for the cheap vodka and the 2nd for booking a band that people actually were excited to see. 

Week 3 Burt's Tiki Lounge featuring Sturgeon General

God week 3 is over and this was a test of resolve.  This was the first weekend with my kids for the year so I had to make sure arrangements were made to have a sitter so I can blog about what all of you want to know!!! Which drinking establishments are worthwhile.  So this show was awesome and Burt's delivered what I expected.  Burt's is listed as one of the top 20 Dive Bars in the country and it is wonderful.  Now this bar I definitely give a pass on the pitcher requirement, mainly because there are NO tables to set a pitcher on.  To compensate though they have reasonable prices on several drink specials including $2.50 Bud bottles, $2.00 12oz PBR's and $3.00 Vodka Bombs.  This is an establishment for bands to play and the opener was good, but Sturgeon General rocked and set the mood for a great time.  Something about a band with horns (trombones and saxophones this time) sets the mood for a party.  I could not stay long but it was FUN!!!! It also did not hurt that Gina and Melanie continued the banter and flirting from the night before and that a certain pleasant lady that shall remain unnamed for her protection joined us.  I danced and danced and rocked out and it was worth the price of the show ($8.00) this time.  Remember though do not expect a club when you go to Burt's, this place is an alternative music dive paradise and is always a great time.  You should always expect fun bands (I have never been disappointed with the shows I have seen at this club).  It was great to see my old bandmates Cabot and Todd who were there to watch the show as well as watch Matt (my best college friend easily) play again with Sturgeon General.  I am biased but this is another 5 out of 5 stein experience.  Until next week, stay tuned for the sober reviews and where we will be pubbing on the 23rd of January!!!

This is why I like a Bar Named Sue

Just let it be known, we all went to Sue's again tonight and it was AWESOME.  Liz the cute bartender was there plus beer, shots of Jameson, beer ($5.00 Bud Light pitchers), Karaoke, beer, lots of Kryptonite, Gina, Jon, David, Melanie, Janell and Sara (yay!!!!) and BEER.  We celebrated our good friend Annaliesa's birthday and it was AWESOME (yes I used the word twice all caps to emphasize).  Sue's is always 5 out of 5 steins!!!!!

Jon's Post 5 Monkeys

Five Monkeys was the choice for week 2, and so it was off to Murray for us. The bar is located just west of state on 48th south, tucked in neatly between the miles of car dealerships and the hospital. Approaching the bar from the west, you’re treated to a full wall mural featuring five various primates, some of which were even monkeys! Upon stepping in, you get a pseudo-dive vibe. It is the kind of place you might expect to be built by someone who had never been to a dive, but only had dives described to them. The atmosphere was certainly unique. We arrived around nine thirty, which was later than we made it to A Bar Named Sue the previous week, but after a quick tour of the premises we had no trouble finding a table to sit at.

With cans of PBR in hand and a table by the door (in case the building began collapsing in a vortex of terribility) we set up shop and started people-watching. The crowd seemed in large part to follow the never-been-to-a-dive theme we picked up on entering. There were a lot of bros strutting around the place like caged roosters. Their demeanor seemed to say that they are usually better than this place, but they just wanted to slum it for a night. Given the extremely clean and well kept building, this sentiment was mildly amusing, to say the least. One such character stopped by for an intense two minute session of drunken table pounding before wandering off in search of some tail.

After a surprisingly short time at our table, one of the free pool tables vacated, and we were able to move over and start playing there. About halfway through our time there, a couple of extremely competitive looking dudes wandered over. After a few minutes of glaring over our shoulders at our amateur shot selection, one of them asked if we were playing eight ball. We were actually playing nine ball, and I chalk the glaring up to a lack of comprehension. I had not seen someone look so angry over a game they had no personal stake in before.

Shortly before we made our move to the pool table, the first band came on. The band did not exactly scream greatness to me, although it definitely did a lot of screaming. I don’t know if it was poor sound setup or just bad music, but the first band was lacking. It was also during the pool that I made the foray into the bathroom that gave me my first unequivocally positive feeling from the bar. I am a University of Utah student, and the urinals brought an instant smile to my face.

While the urinals were a chuckle, what really saved the evening for me was the second band; Kiss Me, Kill Me. Simply put the band was amazing. They were as memorable as the band last week was forgettable. They had a set of self-written music, and the one cover they used they made their own in unambiguous fashion.  I dearly hope we can plan some more outings this year around them. Between free pool I could actually play, one of the two bands being incredible, and some bathroom antics that would certainly have been great ammo for Max Hall’s tirade I would give this place a strong three steins. I add strong because I enjoyed the evening more than the night at Sue’s last week, and not just because the bar owner wasn’t trying to steal my girlfriend.

Until next week;

Jon

David's Post

Week 2
5 Monkeys

Week 2 has come and gone….we visited another bar this week and it was 5 Monkeys. From the outside it didn’t seem too bad and looked to have plenty of space.  Well… that all changed when I opened the door! I took a quick scan around and was like “okay, ummm, interesting”. I willingly paid the $5.00 cover for the two bands that were playing that night. Finding Chad, John and Gina at one of the two table’s right next to the door, I proceeded to join them.  Then I heard the bad news, “they don’t serve pitchers”.  Well that sucks, I thought, strike one!  Looking at the bar, I noticed they only took drink orders at one location, straight across from the front door, and there was a line of roughly five people already.  Then I found out that a stein would cost me anywhere from $5.00 to $7.00 and a PBR Tall Boy would be $3.00!  I was glad to hear Chad volunteer to buy my first round (“Thanks man I will get the next!”).  Strike two!   I had only been there about ten minutes and in order to buy a round it would cost me $20.00 plus tip, NOT very “wallet friendly”. I also noticed there were no waitresses and still only one place to order drinks and I’m not sure if that was because of the party upstairs or not. Also, the guy to girl ratio was way out of whack. Whoa....a literal sausage fest if you will. Gina and John quickly procured a pool table and thank God, at least that was free. None the less, it’s pretty gross when to get a table near them you have to buss a table yourself to clear off somebody else’s half eaten food, UGH! About half way through their first game, some hardcore pool shooters where circling the two pool tables, like hungry sharks waiting for first blood to be drawn so they could swoop in and take over.  After the first band played (who by the way were not that great), we started over to the other end of the bar to hear the next band. Walking from one side to the other, I noticed that the line for drinks at this point was about 15 people long, glad that I still had one!  Being able to locate a table with only 3 chairs, Gina, and I sat on our loved ones laps for the concert. Chad left to the restroom and came back bearing the first good thing to happen all night, the picture of the Y in the urinal.  After hearing the second band, who were actually really good, we called it a night.  Overall, I was not thrilled by this bar; I would give it two out of five steins. Walking distance or not from my house, A Bar Named Sue is a much better choice.

January 9, 2010 - 5 Monkeys

5Monkey's

So the 2nd week is over and so is our experience at 5 Monkeys.  Just to tell you Gina, Jon and I got there and immediately we were thinking of bailing, this place had "I Suck" written all over it, but in true PITLOZ fashion (whatever the hell that is because this is just the 2nd week) we went in to give it a shot.  We ended up paying $5.00 cover (for the bands) and tried to find a place to sit.  This is a big bar and it has plenty of room, however there was a birthday going on so the upstairs was kind of taken (we are still trying to figure out why because the birthday girl was tripping over her stilettos on the main floor) (and yes Gina you look far better in your stilettos and you walk better as well).  Anyway I digress, we eventually found a seat and I went to get the beer, this is when strike one happened.  I found out that they did not sell pitchers.  Now part of the theory of a great bar is that even when everyone is low on money you can each a buy a round for about 8 bucks and feel that you contribute.  With no pitchers the cheapest round for the group at 5 Monkeys is $15.00 plus tip OUCH!!!  Anyway we got our beer and started waiting for Melanie and David when the first band started to play.  This band named Ghosts of Zion did not wow us at all they sucked.  Also before David and Melanie showed I started to notice the clientel.  This was strike two, the place was turning into a men's club with about 4 guys to every girl.  I think for a club to be fun the gender mix needs to be closer than that.  So Melanie and David get there and finally the first cool thing of the night happens, we are a able to snag a pool table.  This really helped the night progress and we were able to play 3 games (meaning Gina, Jon, David and Melanie played while I watched and said inappropriate comments about everyone's anatomy).  The other cool thing about 5 Monkeys was noticed about this time as well,  THE Y ON THE INSIDE OF THE URINALS.  This was awesome and it earned another point for the bar.

At this bar your true feelings for BYU can be expressed lol.

The last great thing happened after pool was over, we got a table near the stage and watched a great band play.  The name of the band is Kiss Me, Kill Me and we will be posting pictures later this week.   They rocked, great energy, good solid original songs and some very fun covers. Check out their Facebook and here is their link http://www.myspace.com/kissmekillmeut  They actually made the night worthwhile (so did the kryptonite dancing (for those of you who do not know my kryptonite is short black haired girls with a rebel/punk sensibilty)  her name was Raquel and she was smoking hot.)  Well, over all 5 Monkeys has earned 3 out of 5 steins.  If they had served pitchers and the girl to guy ratio was better they might have moved up, but as it is, this is a fair bar that is an ok night out depending on the band.  Just a heads up next week we are planning on Burt's Tiki Lounge on Friday January 15th to see the Sturgeon General Reunion that has alot of my old friends playing so come join us for some Ska!!!!

Man Love at its finest!!!

Melanie

Random ass shots....David and Melanie....Melanie's is better!

Kiss Me, Kill Me's hot singer!!!!

And the rest of the band.

This Weeks Event

A Bar Named Sue (revisted and sober)

What a difference a day makes, or in this case five days. I too went to A Bar Named Sue last Saturday, and I don’t know if it is sobriety speaking, or merely disenchantment showing through. Either way, my experiences of the evening were far less Celestial than Chad’s. As he mentioned, we got to the bar before he did, we also beat David and Melanie, around nine thirty. The place was not packed when we got there, but it was just full enough that there were no free tables. It’s intensely annoying to see one or two people holding an otherwise empty table and giving your party the stink eye as you walk by.


A Bar Named Sue is under new ownership, and they’ve opened the place up significantly. There was a band that evening, and they even had a dance area open in front of the stage. Unfortunately the band was a wholly unremarkable cover band, no cover and A Bar Named Sue free digital jukebox would have been a better option. The tables were spaced better than they were previously, and the place feels more open than before. They have expanded into a new room to the south as well, which now holds the dart boards and pool tables. The new ownership kept the pool and darts free, which would be great if it was possible to get a pool table. As far as I can tell all the free pool accomplished was to ensure that the same people were camping the tables for the entire time we were there.

We eventually set up shop on the end of the bar, harnessing enough seats for our group, or something closely approximating that. There was a Comcast crew on site that evening, complete with fake bake and fake boob sporting eye candy. Perhaps the most entertaining portion of the evening was taking odds on whether they would fall out of their tied-off plaid tops. Sadly, they did not, or at least not while I was looking.

Once Chad arrived, he promptly acquired a table, or at least part of one, for our group to sit at. We spent most of a pleasant evening at the table, enjoying a few rounds of alcohol and the company of friends. Gina’s side of the story with John is a bit different than Chad’s, she claims he spent time hitting on her off and on during the night. Of course, I’m the boyfriend so she has to tell me that, and the reality of what happened really isn’t relevant. The end result is that we’re now on a first name basis with John, who owns the bar.

Overall our evening was pleasant, although most of that had to do with the company we kept, rather than the bar we were at. I would give A Bar Named Sue a 3 of 5 steins for that very reason. It was clean and well kept. Yet nothing about the bar stood out as exemplary. Or rather, the implementation of the things that should make the bar special (free darts, pool, and shuffle board, a free jukebox) were mismanaged. We would have had an equally good time at nearly any place we deigned to go that evening.

Jon

Pubbing in the Land of Zion

Week 1
January 2, 2010
A Bar Named Sue

Well the beginning of the year 2010 has come to Utah and the group of us have decided to hit a new bar, pub or club every week. The purpose of this is to commemorate the first true year of no private clubs in our state. First I will introduce you to our little group. We have Gina, Jon, David, Melanie and myself, Chadivus. This will be the core group with what I am sure will be a great cast of supporting actors and actresses throughout the year. To start off we decided to go to my neighborhood pub A Bar Named Sue in Holiday Utah. Sue's is definitely an it club because every time I go it is packed. The reasons I love it are many including a cute bartender named Liz and a great selection of Whiskeys and Beers. So tonight we all met at Sue's and everyone beat me there. Jon and Gina brought 2 friends named Justin and James but they did not participate as strongly as I would have hoped for fellow pubcrawlers. We started the night off with shots (Jameson of course) and a pitcher of Blue Moon (which of course I quickly followed up with PBR). After that I started thinking good God I am a fifth wheel so I quickly focused on two females at the back table each sharing a pint and said to Gina "the blond caught my eye but the brunette has a great smile as well, I think I will introduce us to them." David overheard and said "the blond with short hair right?" and I thought "David, what a dumb question, of course the blond with short hair" so I said that to him. I then went over and offered the ladies a pitcher of Bud Light and got their names. The blond was Aimee and the brunette was Leigh-Anne (a proper Irish spelling at that) and the group of us moved to their table and started having a right old party. So as the night progressed and the pitchers increased we proceeded to get right pissed and boisterous. Then my Gina did something I was truly proud of (for I realized she was learning from the master), she started chatting up the new owner of Sue's (now mind you I being the social man I am, had already introduced myself to John, but to see Gina doing it herself tweeked a soft spot in my old heart). So in her right friendly manner Gina is chatting the good man up when I come by and continue the conversation with him and low and behold we are treated to a right old round of shots. The girl is doing exactly what she should be and we have made a lasting connection to this bar which we dearly love. The girls Leigh-Anne and Aimee fit right in with the rest of us and we readily exchanged numbers and invited everyone to breakfast at Piper the next morning. Over all I would give A Bar Named Sue a 5 steins out of 5 stein rating for a great first pub experience. I would highly recommend the bar and the service is great. Make sure you buy your drinks at the bar and establish a relationship with the tenders so that you can get your drinks efficiently. We all payed a $3.00 cover for the 80's tribute band Solid Gold which performed a good mix of Hair Metal and Alterna-Punk from that decade. The jukebox would have been fine but a band is always a nice touch. Plus the band did not suck which is always a bonus. We are hoping that Aimee and Leigh-Anne join us in the future but are realistic about pub friends. Until next week CHEERS!!!!

Chad